Tagged: oh brother

Time for Math – A Russell Branyan Flame-athon

Yes all of us Cleveland fans know that Russell Branyan has signed on with the Cleveland Indians.

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Yes we know that he is capable of hitting 30 home runs.

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Yes we know that he is also capable of 200 strikeouts

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But is he capable of being heckled by Cleveland Indians fans? Absolutely! No one likes a guy who strikes out every two out of three times. Does he swing a bat or is it just imaginary in his hand? Whoops, (cheap shot). Okay here’s one you can ponder Russell, what’s the square root of 4? Now take that and add your age minus the injuries. What do you have?….

 

Your batting average.

 

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Russell Branyan and the Curse of the Cleveland Indians

It took long enough… The Indians finally made a move that did something that might make a difference.

 

This is what I would’ve said if I were a bad fan “All I have to say is thank god Russell. We needed your acceptance to become an Indian. Yes, you will have those nights where you go 0-fer and stink up the dugout, but than there will be there nights where you go 4-4 with two home runs. Those 200 strikeouts will be evened out by your 25 to 30 home runs each year.”

 

And that’s where I would’ve been wrong. Yes Indians fans we can ponder how Branyan will do
lady gaga wierd.jpg this year thinking maybe he will hit 30 homers and drive in 80 if we’re lucky. It ain’t gonna happen. Sorry to break that bad news to you but, he had a crazy year last year, he played out of his mind. If he were to play like that again, than Lady Gaga would stop wearing her ugly outfits. I recently read this book called “The Curse of Rocky Colavito”. I don’t know if any of you have heard of it, but it talks about how the Indians are the most cursed franchise in all of sports.

 

No Cubs fans, not you…. us. Sam McDowell breaks to ribs throwing a fastball in September, 1961 and then goes on to become a drinker…. The Indians get Colavito back for Tommie Agee who becomes rookie of the year, and for Tommy John, who wins 286 afer being traded…. Ray Fosse and the infamous Pete Rose ordeal at the All Star Game in July 1970…. The Indians forfeit in June 1974 due to drunken fans going onto the field on “Beer Night”…. Cleveland hosts the All Star Game in July 1981 and the game is delayed due to player strike…. SI predicts the Tribe will win the pennant, and they go on to lose 101 games in 1987.

 

Just face it, Russell Branyan as you can see had a great year last year. And who’s to say he doesn’t this year? Well, in the paragraph before this one, I think you know why I don’t have my hopes up to high. I’m scared for the poor guys future, what’s it gonna be? An injured thumb playing Xbox? Could it be a broken collar bone fielding ground balls? Who knows…

 

The Curse of Rocky Colavito lives on.

 

~All info received on the Indians was received from the book “The Curse of Rocky Colavito” written by Terry Pluto~